Texting seems like the perfect form of communication. It’s instant, it works 24/7 and it’s right there in your pocket. What could be bad about that?
Well the problem with texting is that there are no rules about how and when to text and this can be pretty anxiety inducing especially when it’s with a guy you like. When should I text? How long should I take to reply? What are the rules?
No worries. I’m going to give you some guidelines that will take the guesswork out of texting and make things less stressful
1. Be consistent
So much of texting anxiety is worrying that you’re coming on too strong or not strong enough. This is an aspect of texting that’s much worse than talking in person because you can’t read tone and intention and it’s typical to wait hours or days to respond to a message.
That’s why I think the most important part of texting is to stick to a pretty consistent style and regularity of texting. If you’re responding every two minutes and suddenly you don’t text back for six days, it may make him wonder what the deal is.
But if you always take a week to respond then it’s not going to have him surprised (although probably not the best move if you’re trying to get closer to him).
2. Say goodbye
This one depends on the relationship but I often advise people who have a lot of anxiety around texting to set the precedent of establishing an end to every conversation. Imagine this scenario:
- You’re texting back and forth and having a good time.
- Suddenly one of you gets busy and doesn’t respond for five hours.
- When they do you don’t want to text back right away and seem desperate.
This can become very confusing. To avoid this, if you’ve had a good interaction that you’re happy with and you’re about to become busy (or even if you’re not) then tell him. Something like “I have to go to work now, It was nice talking to you :)”
I find this to be a great option if it’s someone that you have extended text conversations with. It avoids confusion and if you do it, he’ll probably do it as well. This makes for a more consistent and stress free text relationship.
3. Less is more
These days texting is big part of how you communicate and get to know one another early on in the relationship. There’s plenty of back and forth negotiating a date or hangout.
In my opinion, it’s a good idea to limit texting as much as possible. Texting is a good way to build a bond but it’s a better way to break one.
A few too many missed texts or misunderstandings and pretty soon the bloom is off the rose.
Flirting is fun but face to face is better. Even if you get along great over text, things won’t necessarily be the same in person and vice versa. You could have bad chemistry over texting and be great one on one. Bonding in real life is the goal of dating so do your best to keep texting to a minimum and instead get that experience getting to know one another without phones between you.
4. Keep things positive
Texting really can be a minefield. You can say things in person that you’d never say over text because you’re able to smile, laugh and make yourself clear by your tone of voice. When you’re texting you don’t have these non verbal cues to make the other person feel comfortable.
It can be easy to come off as rude, uncaring, or stuck up when you’re texting especially if you two don’t know each other very well.
Plus, texting conversations tend to be shorter and can end at any time so messages may have more weight
That’s why I recommend you trying to keep things positive over text as much as possible. This doesn’t mean you can’t disagree but be careful. If you’re someone who likes debate and argument, then wait until you’re in person to bring out the big guns.
It’s way easier to playfully tease in person than it is over text, believe me.
And when in doubt throw in an exclamation mark or an emoji. It’s a great way to show him you’re having some fun and not taking anything too seriously.
5. Texting is different than talking
What I mean is that texting is different than a conversation in person in a ton of ways. In some ways it’s better, in others, worse. Keep this in mind and don’t try to have the same interactions over text. If you do, you’re going to be disappointed.
There are things you can do via text that you can’t do in person so be creative. I like to send my friends memes or photos of what I’m up to. Snapchat, instagram, twitter all give us different ways to connect with each other and keep things interesting.
6. Don’t be afraid to be weird
A lot of women think that dating is about trying to seem as normal as possible to attract a guy. Couldn’t be farther from the truth. Your quirks are actually what will make a guy like you. So don’t pretend to be more “normal” than you really are. What is normal anyway?
As long as you’re staying positive, a weird out of the blue off the wall comment, joke, compliment or whatever can really liven up the conversation. Women often will stick to the safe conversations and easy responses to avoid scaring a guy off.
This can leave the conversation feeling wooden and stale. You want him to be excited to talk to you and wondering what you’re going to say next.
What’s something funny that happened to you the other day?
This is especially true on dating apps. If you want to stand out for the crowd, this is a great way to do it.
There it is. Texting is hard but if you can remember these six rules, then you’re on the right track.
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- Why He’ll Sleep With You But Won’t Date You - February 1, 2019
- How To Take Things Slow And Build A Better Relationship - November 6, 2018