How to Create Intimacy that Lasts

No relationship is perfect and every couple will argue. So then, what’s the difference between couples who stay in love for years on end and those who break up when the going gets tough? The answer: Intimacy.

Intimacy is a passionate and caring connection between two people, and while you can’t just make it happen, it is something that you can develop between you and your man over time.

Here’s how.

Be vulnerable.

Headshot of girl looking into the sun.Vulnerability is so often misunderstood as weakness, however, it’s actually quite the opposite. Vulnerability is being strong enough to show someone your true self, doubts, fears and dreams. It’s having the courage to give yourself entirely to another person. It’s leading when you risk being wrong, and sharing the things in your past that make you most uncomfortable.

While it’s not uncommon to put up walls in the early stages of a relationship, in order to create lasting intimacy it’s important that you do eventually let your man in. Once you let him see you for who you really are, you’ll create something special together. Vulnerability is important because it creates a powerful trust between you, one so great that it’ll reflect itself back to you. In other words, show him your heart and he’ll show you his.

Be youthful.

Remember how carefree and alive you felt as a kid? Light as a feather, you breezed through life, chasing butterflies and fueled on laughter. To create an intimacy that lasts it’s important to recall those feelings and to give into your youthfulness. But how can something as simple as play keep couples together?

When we play we’re present and engaged in the moment. We focus on feelings of happiness and can push aside the barriers that prevent us from feeling free. When we do this with our partners we can create a whole new world and way to see one another, a new way to connect. The best part is you don’t have to join a sports team or dig out Yahtzee to do this. Instead, simply smiling lots, laughing often and being silly are great ways to keep you feeling young.

Be spontaneous.

Couple wearing animal masks.There’s nothing more deadly than routine, which is why creating unexpected moments in your relationship will do wonders for your love life.

Think back to when you first met. You were just getting to know one another and everything felt exciting and new. Over time, the once surprising became expect or mundane.

Fighting that familiarity is what will keep the spark alive, so do what it takes to keep your relationship fresh and your relationship will go the distance. Whether that means surprising your man with a trip for two or deciding to eat dessert before dinner, keep your guy on his toes and the intimacy will stay alive.

If you’re unwilling to break out of your routine, that could be why he’s losing interest.

Be touchy.

As humans, we respond best to physical touch. Instead of telling your man how much you love and appreciate him, show him – and this doesn’t necessarily mean sex.

Whether it’s a hug in the morning or a kiss before you leave, physically expressing yourself will do wonders for the intimacy you and him share. In fact, even a simple brush of his arm as you pass one another can send his bonding chemicals flying.

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Since more often than not relationship problems stem from feelings of disconnect, show your man that your bond is strong by being physically close.

Be present.

Love couple flirting and hugging in bed.In a world where we’re constantly connected, it can be hard to be in the present moment with one another. From Facebook to Snapchat, the office or other social outings, we’re constantly being pulled in millions of directions.

To keep your intimacy alive it’s important that you actively make time for one another. It’s really the only way to see one another clearly and figure out, whether or not he’s the one for you.

Whether it’s pencilling in weekly date nights or setting aside an hour before bed each night, having some solo time to spend with your man is a great way to feel connected. That said, when you are together, be in the moment. This means not worrying about tomorrow’s meeting or stressing over past events. Instead simply be, together, in the now.

Being present is not only a great way to see each other, but it’s also a sign of respect. By showing your man that you’re listening to his innermost thoughts, feelings, wants and needs, he’ll feel a connection to you like no other. Be sure not to interrupt, giving him the time to share his heart will keep him coming back for more.

Be respectful.

Respecting your relationship means holding it close to your heart. Think of it like this. Let’s say you have a notebook full of your deepest secrets and most beloved ideas. You wouldn’t go sharing that notebook with others because it’s a personal, prized possession. That’s how you should treat your relationship.

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So many couples make the mistake of sharing intimate details with others, but as the old saying goes, “Loose lips sink ships.” To keep your bond protected, decide who you and your man make a part of it, and respect those terms. When your partner knows where he stands with you there is space for you both to relax and open up, free of worry. This creates a confidence in the relationship that’s strong enough to carry couples through tough times.

Be generous.

Two people standing in front of ground art that reads "PASSION LED US HERE."One of the most toxic things couples can face in a relationship is what I like to refer to as a “scoreboard.” What I mean by this, is keeping track of the things they have done for one another. For example, I bought you this, so you owe me that.

Being a generous partner removes any sort of competition or ulterior motive. In other words, you give not to get, but because it feels good. Sometimes, being generous simply means forgiving him when you feel hurt, or offering a sincere apology when you mess up. Just remember, when egos or greed get in the way, trouble comes knocking.

Be a dreamer.

There’s no better way to keep your fire burning than by coming up with new goals and dreams for yourself and the relationship. By continuing to challenge and open yourselves up to new experiences, intimacy will continue to grow.

When it comes to embarking on new “dreams,” so many people fall for the belief that “the timing isn’t right,” or that they “can’t afford it.” That’s rubbish, because there will never be a perfect time and waiting for the finances to line up could take all eternity. Instead of getting bogged down by these beliefs, be the free loving spirit who is always looking for the adventure or experience.

Find fun in the ordinary. Make plans, dream big and be bold.

How to Create Intimacy that Lasts

About Amy North

Amy North is a women's relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada. Her high-acclaimed programs include "Text Chemistry" and "The Devotion System", both of which have helped thousands of women from around the world find (and keep) the man of their dreams.

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