You know that talking about your period, complaining about your weight and peeing with the bathroom door open will turn your man off in the blink of an eye. However, what you may not know is that there are some seemingly harmless moves that will also make his sex drive go down in flames.
While no two men have the same list of turn ons and passion killers, here are 20 common turn offs that guys experience but won’t necessarily tell you.
- Not being honest.
One of the quickest ways to not only kill lust but also a relationship is by not being honest. Since trust is the most important thing in a relationship, if you don’t have it, you don’t have anything. Guys crave respect, so if you lie to them or act insincerely you’re guaranteed to turn them off.
- Excessive self-centredness.
It’s good to love yourself, but like most things in life it requires balance and there is a breaking point when it comes to ego tripping. Sure you want to look good, but you may be surprised to hear that obsessing over your looks is a major turn off. Instead of find a way to moderate your mirror gazing and direct your attention towards the relationship.
- Pretending to be dumb or clumsy to get attention.
You’re not stupid, and neither are guys, so don’t pretend you are to seem cute. Truth is, while you may believe that these ditsy traits are a way to a man’s heart, acting like an idiot is a major turn off. Men want a brilliant bombshell not a blundering bimbo. If you’re naturally not the most clever or poised person that’s okay, the point is to play on your strengths, and not to put yourself down.
- Lacking confidence.
When it comes to what men find attractive, confidence is number one of the list. Showing your man that you’re a self-assured woman who is comfortable in her own skin is the sexiest thing you can do. Even if you’re feeling less than perfect, this is one area of the relationship where it’s okay to fake it – besides, if you pretend you’re confident and do it well, it’ll only be a matter of time until those positive thoughts stick with you. Men find women who lack confidence unattractive because those type of women are insecure. This means they will look to others for reasons to feel good about themselves, and no man gets turned on dealing with a woman’s insecurities.
- Obsession with cell phone.
Nine times out of ten you must be present to turn your man on (the other one time being either via phone, text, etc.) If the time you spend together you’re constantly on your phone or tuned into the social media world, your lack of presence is a major turn off. Guys want to feel admired by their lady, and that’s not going to happen if you choose to be glued to a phone screen instead of giving him attention. When you’re with him, be with him.
- Trying to get him jealous.
Many women believe that trying to make their man jealous by flirting with another guy in his presence will increase his attraction and interest in her. This belief is flawed. Sure you may think that showing interest in another guy will make your man see you as a more desirable woman, but in most cases he will find your actions disrespectful and unappealing. In other words, trying to make him jealous isn’t going to get him drooling after you, instead it’ll switch off his arousal.
- Not being upfront.
Perhaps you’ve seen The Notebook and are familiar with the scene where Noah repeatedly asks Allie “What do you want” while she shakes her head and doesn’t give him a straight answer. Awhile back, someone took this clip titled it “Every time I ask my girl where she wants to eat.” This type of uncertain behaviour is such a common characteristic between women, but when it comes to relationships answers like “It doesn’t matter” or “I don’t know” are turn offs because they make your man stressed and irritated. If he asks you something, don’t beat around the bush then pout when things don’t go your way. Instead be upfront and say you want you. Your man is not a psychic and it’s emotionally exhausting for him to constantly second-guess and try to read your thoughts.
Every man wants to be with someone who they can share their inner thoughts and desires with. If you’re the narrow minded type, have a habit of shutting down his opinions or are unwilling to try new things, then it’s going to turn him off. Instead, try your best to support his ideas (no matter how unrealistic they may be), and make it known that he can open up to you and not worry about judgement. Relationships are meant to be fun and exciting, so it’s important to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and experience new things together.
Men like women who can get things done and find it attractive when women are self-reliant and competent. Acting like a damsel in distress may work in the movies, but in real life it’s only a matter of time until your man will get sick of your helplessness and find it frustrating that you rely on their saving. Sure, men like to feel needed by their partner, but at the same time feeling forced or obliged to cater to her every need (because she can’t do it herself) will make him eventually see her in an unattractive light.
- Not being real.
You’ve heard it before and I’ll say it again, guys like girls that can be themselves. Playing games or trying to be something you’re not is a huge turn off, and no matter how sneaky you think you’re being, men can sniff out your phony act. Whether you’re refusing to eat in front of them or pretending to like football if you don’t, the only way you’re going to turn him on is by turning your true self on.
- Acting clingy.
While it’s natural for women to be more emotionally attached to their partners, it’s important to not be overbearing. If a guy feels like he can’t breathe with you around, he’s going to quickly find you unbearable, which is anything but a turn on. Men enjoy feeling like they have to work towards keeping you, so showing them that you’re desperate for their attention or affection is like poison to their sex drive. Instead, step back and give them the chance to pursue you.
- Being sloppy.
If you were to ask a woman if she finds a sloppy man attractive, she would more than likely say no. Well, the tables have turned. Whether it’s a matter of putting away your dirty knickers or cleaning the hair out of the sink, men are extremely turned off by women who don’t make an effort to tidy up after themselves. Think about it from his perspective: Why would a pile of dirty laundry or used makeup pads make him horny? Instead, turn him on by practicing class through cleanliness.
- Giving directions during sex.
The point of sex is for it to be pleasurable. If you’re acting like a traffic director during the performance, then don’t expect him to stay hot and bothered for long. Men feel pressured enough to perform well in bed, so if their tango partner is trying to direct every step it’s only natural for him to feel less-manly. Instead, allow him to find his way, and then hint subtly. One of the biggest turn offs a woman can do is to make her man feel demasculinized, especially during sex.
- Unkempt appearance.
Whether it’s your day off or you’re working from home, it’s important to make an effort with your appearance if you’re going to be seeing your man. The sight of an unshowered, bed head woman lounging in pajamas all day sends him the message that she doesn’t care about her appearance or looking good for him; both of which can be huge turn offs. Sure it’s nice to have lazy days, but if he’s going to be visiting then put yourself together and show him that you take yourself seriously and think he’s worth looking good for. Think about it this way: Why do we try to look our best for strangers, rather than the man who is supposed to enjoy looking at us?
- Cursing like a sailor.
A little swearing at the right time is fine, but when women drop f-bombs or other foul language in every other sentence, it simply isn’t sexy. While this is a point that varies greatly from man to man, those who do find swearing a turn off see it as brash or manly- characteristics they don’t need to find in a partner. For instance, when your man hangs out with his buddies, chances are he hears an earful of swearing from them. When he spends time with you, he doesn’t need you to be “one of the guys,” but rather his lady. As old fashioned as it may seem, it’s simply a fact that many men are turned off when their woman swears too much.
- Belittling his friends.
Some women feel entitled to badmouth their man’s friends, but all this does is make him feel stuck in the middle and offended. This type of behaviour is a major turn off and will without doubt make your man think less of you. How would you feel if he insulted your friend pack? Instead of belittling his buds, make an effort to get along with them and occasionally involve them in your plans. Many men feel conflicted when choosing between spending their time with their pals or their partner. If you can bring these worlds together for him, he will appreciate your gesture and willingness to share his attention, and see you as a generous, caring person.
- Sharing intimate details.
It’s a known fact that loose lips sink ships, so it’s no surprise that sharing too many personal details about your relationship with your friends will turn him off. Sharing the goods is embarrassing and potentially belittling to your man, and there’s no reason why your girlfriends need to know his penis size or his preferences in the sack. Your man want to feel safe around you, so dishing out details is going to make him feel too vulnerable to want to open up or share intimate experiences with you again in the future. Don’t kiss and tell.
No man wants to go to bed with his mom, so don’t nag him like his mother did (or does)! If you’re trying to get your man’s attention or cooperation by nagging him, you’ll be surprised to find the effect will be far from what you want. In fact, men have an excellent ability to tune out nagging, but that’s not to say they won’t be turned off by your choice of communication. It’s important that you learn how to talk to your man in a way that will not only appease you, but will also keep him confident and into you.
- Telling him how to dress.
Even if your guy has the worst fashion or sense of style, telling him how to dress is a quick way to turn him off. Dictating what your man should wear suggests that you’re trying to change who he is- and this is a big no-no. While you may see it as harmless suggestions, the idea stomps on mutual respect and will make your man feel insecure, hurt, or even angry. It’s okay to join him on shopping trips, but remember that if he isn’t open to hearing your fashion tips, don’t force them on him.