You’re spending your time with a new man and things seem better than perfect. It’s one of the best feelings in the world.
But be careful. Sometimes if you overdo it early in the relationship, things can unexpectedly fizzle out. Keep watching and I’ll tell you why this happens so often and how to take things slow instead, to build a better relationship.
So why can a relationship that starts out so hot and heavy go cold overnight?
It happens when you spend too much time together, get too close, and move too fast before building a real connection.
Then, when the initial spark of attraction wavers, as it always will, there’s nothing keeping you two together.
How To Take Things Slow Instead
Sometimes we get too wrapped up in the euphoria that comes with being with a new partner that we neglect to really get to know them on a deeper level.
Here are some tips to break the cycle.
Take a breath
My advice for new couples is to take things slow. This doesn’t mean not having sex. I mean space out your dates and take time to get to know one another.
The time you spend apart will allow you two to maintain boundaries and let the love bloom slowly. This way you can enrich, not disrupt, each other’s lives.
Taking things slow always lead to a stronger, healthier relationship down the road.
How often you spend together is up to you but I’d say if you’re spending two days straight together after the second date, or if you meet more than three times a week in the first month, you may be putting too much pressure on the relationship and you could cause him to pull away.
Slow down on texting
Texting is another factor that can speed things up. Being in constant contact feels great. They’re on your mind all the time, why shouldn’t you text them?
The truth is that texting all the time can create an intimacy and closeness that you haven’t quite earned yet.
Before texting, couples would only have these conversations face to face and wouldn’t have this kind of constant contact until moving in together.
Texting is like a short circuit in your relationship, putting your communication into overdrive before you’re really ready for it.
With this in mind, aim to text less.
Don’t be rude but be able to end conversations on a positive note and save the catching up for your next date. When you do text, make sure that you’re doing it with intention, and not out of habit or insecurity.
Go on dates
Often new couples will start with a candlelight dinner and by the end of the first week be watching Netflix together in their sweatpants.
No one appreciates Netflix more than I do but I think this is such a waste. You’ll have plenty of time to spend on the couch as your lives get more enmeshed down the road.
When things are fresh I think it’s really important to make the effort to go out, have new experiences together and get to know one another without a TV between you.
A solid date will do more to bond you two than an entire season of Orange is The New Black, trust me.
Don’t let your new relationship dominate your life. This is something I see all the time. New couples just want to be together and let their friends, job, and hobbies pay the price.
It may be fun for now but when things cool off a bit you may find that your life is a mess and you’re playing catch up.
Make sure you maintain boundaries and keep up with your daily activities and routines and your relationship will be healthier in the long run. This will have the added bonus of making him chase you.