How to Lock Down Your Dream Man by Playing Hard to Get

So many relationship experts will tell you that playing games is key to winning a man’s heart. While this may sound like nonsense, it’s actually quite true.

Believe it or not, there are several subconscious things you can do to make any man crazy about you, and playing hard to get is a big one. If you’re looking to land your dream man and have a happy, healthy relationship then follow these simple rules.

Avoid being or appearing to be needy.

Being desperate or clingy is the COMPLETE opposite of playing hard to get. Instead it’s important to let things develop at a pace based on his interest rather than on your own. To do this, don’t initiate contact with him or set up dates, but rather let him be the first to come to you. The person who makes the first move is always put in a weaker bargaining position than the person who chooses whether or not to accept it. Be in the power position.

When he first contacts you, ignore him.

Woman reading magazine with her cell phone on a coffee table.Since men are born hunters they love the chase. By making him work for your attention you’ll have him coming back for more. To get started, don’t answer your phone when he calls or text him back right away. Instead, wait a little while before getting back to him. Showing him that you have a busy life and aren’t sitting by the phone waiting to hear from him is not only a turn on, but he’ll feel privileged when you do contact him.

Turn him down.

When a man first asks you out, say no. Tell him you’re busy and say maybe another time. By making him ask more than once to see you, you’ll easily keep him interested.

Again, this is about the chase, so even if your only plans are sitting on the couch with your cat, tell him you’re busy.

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If you make a man wait and work hard to lock down a date with you, he will worship you and cherish the time that you do finally spend together. The harder he has to fight for you, the more he will value you.

Don’t change your plans for him.

Three women laying in a grassy field together.

Never put a lover’s life before your own. If he asks you to do something with him at a time that conflicts with your schedule then tell him no. Standing your ground and showing him that your plans are important is admirable, and best of all, he’ll respect you for it.

Keep busy.

If you’re busy enjoying your life as it is, playing hard to get will come naturally because you’ll have too much going on in your everyday life to be easily available. Go out with friends, meet new people and have fun. As tempting as it may be to sit in your home alone, you can’t play hard to get if you’re never out on the town.

RELATED: Signs He’s Not Into You

Love yourself.

Taking good care of yourself and making your own life a priority is attractive. Men love it when women are passionate about something, so find what it is that you love and keep it in your life long after you’ve locked down your man.

Tossing aside the things you enjoy doing and believe in when a guy comes around is lame and shows low self-esteem and is a major turn off.

Men are drawn to women who have self respect, and if you’re happy and carefree, he will notice.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

If your date wants to go to a steakhouse and you’re a vegetarian, then speak up. If you want to take things slowly with him then say so. Vocalizing your wants and needs from the start will make way for a healthy relationship in the future.

Make sure your words and body language match, and always be honest with yourself and your man. Simply put: Be yourself, don’t try too hard to impress him and show him the real you.

Have a life outside of the relationship.

A group of women doing yoga.A couple shouldn’t always do everything together. Having hobbies and interests outside of your relationship will give you the space you need to maintain a healthy relationship. When couples allow their lives to mesh together and create a shared sense of being things get stale and the spark fades fast.

Instead of being joined at the hip let him have a night out with the boys and do your own things without him. Just as it’s important to have activities that you share together, it’s equally as important to fly solo every now and then.

Praise him.

Men love it when women recognize their efforts, so to keep him coming back let him know that you appreciate him. To do so, give him small reminders that his conquest is worthwhile and that he’s not just wasting his time barking up the wrong tree. A little encouragement goes a long way, but be erratic with your encouragement so he stays on his toes.

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For example you could text him something like “You’re sweet. That was a nice date.” Even if you’re an independent woman who can take care of herself, acknowledging the small things he does for you will do wonders for your relationship.

Bonus tip: Don’t overdo it! Subtle hard to get gestures are best. Leave him hanging, don’t cut him off!


How to Lock Down Your Dream Man by Playing Hard to Get

About Amy North

Amy North is a women's relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada. Her high-acclaimed programs include "Text Chemistry" and "The Devotion System", both of which have helped thousands of women from around the world find (and keep) the man of their dreams.


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  • Hello, I’ve met a guy over the Internet. We were just mutual friends, we never talked about hooking up and we never exchanged numbers. However, he visited my country as a tourist and he asked me out on a date. I accept and we had a good time. We went our separate ways and stayed up for most of the night texting, talking about the chemistry that we shared. Anyhow, it was understood and agreed that at the moment it would be impossible to agree to a relationship. We continued seeing each other for the reminder of his time in my country. We are still in contact the problem is he’s scared of commitment because of a failed marriage. I know that he likes me because he said that much and he knows that I like him too. The question is, how do I get him to commit?

  • Everything you are saying it is so true. I would also give these tips to a friend, but when it comes to me,I feel like I cannot follow these steps and I’m always doing the wrong thing. I feel like men are so complicated at times. I’m trying to figure out the guy I like and make him interested, but seems like I’m doing something wrong. And about the chasing-you are so correct. I see it happening in my case so vividly. I just watched some of your videos and they are great. I’ll try to follow your tips and I hope it’ll work out. Thank you!

  • Hi Amy I’ve been in this relationship for a year this month and have been needy and all the rest of it he is living in Egypt and I’m in New Zealand. I’ve totally stuffed it up for the last 4 months of our relationship he just looks at my msg once in every few weeks he messengers me we use to video call all the time then he got more and more distant I do not know wat to do

    • Hi Amy I know and I feel my man has a good heart his words are meaningful. just last week I msg him coz I hadn’t heard from him I was worried he was sick. He glance at my messages that I sent him I got frustrated with him and said to him if he does not answer me in the next couple of days I knew we finished. That’s when he msg me he’s home sick

  • I Need help! I recently went on a date with this guy and to me it went great we kissed and I left. He then recently asked me to hang out but he supposedly wanted a “hook up”. I asked one of his friends to talk to him about it and he told his friend he didn’t really care what happened between us. Need advice, what do I do?

  • All your tips are just so good nd makes sense. But what if he doesn’t give any interest back? What if he thinks i am ignoring and not loving him and what if he gets bored?

  • Dear Amy, I have tried some of the text you posted, they work ,need more, my guy is in a wonder with the text that you told me to try.

  • What if he don’t call me or text me and even he didin’t value what i do for him in the past so now what can i do to let him back ,let him regret and let him get attracted to me again

  • Hi amy. I loved these tips. Ive fallen for someone i say hello to, i dont know his name. But sure hez single. My son has said hes given me quite a few looks and embarrased smiles. He seems very shy. How does this move forward if i dont ask him out. When ever i see him it feels like the air is electric between us lol. Please help as im lost how to get past this point. Thank you i look forward to your replyx

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