How To Be The Girl He Wants To Date Vs. The One He Just Wants To Have Sex With

There’s a huge difference between being the girl a guy wants to date, and one he just wants to have sex with. If you’re looking for a relationship with a man, then knowing this difference is key.

When it comes to men and women, sex means different things. You may have heard the expression, “Men need to have sex to fall in love, but women need to fall in love to have sex.” While that’s not necessarily true in every instance, it speaks volumes to how men think about sex.

In order to be the girl a man wants to date, you have to show him what you have to offer him and a relationship.

The truth is, most single men will have sex with any woman they find at least remotely attractive, and aside from looks, not much else matters. This means they don’t worry about her confidence levels, self-respect or ambitions; they don’t question what kind of partner she would be in terms of supportive or kind; and don’t think about the future with that person at all. Instead, all they think about is “I can score with this chick.” Men may try to tell you otherwise, but believe me, I’ve done my fair share of research and even though some guys are shy to admit it, sometimes all they’re looking for is sex.

When it comes to choosing a woman to date however, the thought process is much more complex. Meaning there’s a huge difference between someone he’s willing to sleep with and someone he’s going to want to show off to his friends and family. So, how can you be the woman he wants to date? The simple answer is to make him realize that life with you is better than life without you.

The tricky part about doing this is that it requires balance, meaning you’ll need to give him a taste of what dating you would be like, without giving him too much so he doesn’t feel the need to commit to you – why would he if he can have you by his side AND keep his single lifestyle afloat.

To be the woman he wants to date and not just have sex with, you’ll need to master these two things.

1. Be a Little Hard to Get

By giving him the chance to pursue you, you’re feeding into his deepest desires, and that’s the chasing game. Since men are hunters at heart, when they feel they have to work to win you over, you’ll become that much more valuable to him.

This also speaks to why he doesn’t want to date the girl he picks up at the bar and sleeps with that same night. The short-lived chase isn’t enough to keep him hooked.

To keep the chase alive, let him be the instigator in your dynamic. That’s not to say you can’t be at all hint that you’re interested, but that when he’s the one initiating plans and contacting you, you’ll be giving him the kind of challenge that will get him hooked. Better yet, when he does come calling you can show him how full and exciting your life is by not being overly available, which will make him want you even more.

No man or woman wants to be with someone who’s boring and has nothing going on in their life. That’s just setting yourself up for a clingy relationship, and he knows it. Instead he’ll have to work for your time and attention, which again, makes you that much more of a prize to be won. This alone is giving him something the women he’s casually sleeping with aren’t.

2. Make Him Feel Good

Since people want to be around those who make them feel good, if you can be the one who makes him happy in a way that other women aren’t, then you’re on the road to being the one he wants to date.

To do so, be the person who makes him laugh, or the listener he needs. The one who makes him smile on a daily basis, and who he can’t get off his mind. Show him you’re the kind of woman who is thoughtful and kind, and the type who will support him and be on his side. If you can make this kind of impact on his day to day life, he’ll want to keep you around.

Of course this can be extremely tough to pull off, especially if he’s really trying to score with you, but by being your positive, outgoing self it won’t take long for him to realize that if he doesn’t lock you down, someone else will come along and do so.

About Amy North

Amy North is a women's relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada. Her high-acclaimed programs include "Text Chemistry" and "The Devotion System", both of which have helped thousands of women from around the world find (and keep) the man of their dreams.

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  • Ive been dealin wit a guy who is 12 yrs older than í am. We started off datin then he backed out wanted to become friends wit benefits up until a week ago. Now he doesnt want anything to do wit me wat can i do to have him fall back in love wit me again

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