Stuck in the dating doldrums?
Did being single stop being fun a long time ago?
It doesn’t matter how many fish there are in the sea when you can’t swim.
Have you considered that maybe it’s your approach that isn’t working?
Stick around and I’ll tell you another way to go about dating that will change your outlook and your results.
It probably sounds crazy to most of my readers. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, why should you try casual dating?
There are plenty of reasons to date casually even if you’re looking for something serious and long term. In fact, I recommend it to many of my clients.
So what exactly do I mean by casual dating and how to do you it?
If you’re someone who hears the phrase “casual dating” and starts heading for the door, then you might need this advice more than anyone.
I’m not talking about sleeping around, having a ton of flings or hitting on guys in bars. What I mean by casual dating is dating more frequently and less seriously. This means not rushing things. This means not overthinking every little word and text message. This means saying yes to more dates.
Casual dating means dating more frequently and less seriously!
This is a great way to break the cycle of meet guy, fall for guy, spend all your time with guy, and then having things end all within a couple of months.
I’m sure some of you are still shaking your heads. Stick around and I’ll tell you why this is the right move to help you find the one.
So… just exactly how will casual dating help you find the one?
1. It changes your mindset
When we’re looking for the love of our life we’re in a very goal-oriented mindset. Namely: where is this perfect guy hiding and how do I make him mine?
This can put a lot of pressure on a new relationship.
We can scare a guy off by pushing for a commitment too early. Or we can drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out what he’s thinking, if he likes us, if he’s even going to call us again.
Casual dating lets you leave all this baggage at the door.
When you know that whatever happens tonight you have another date lined up next week, suddenly the fears and anxieties disappear and you’re able to really enjoy yourself.
2. It’s a great way to get to know someone
It may seem like focusing on one person is the way to really get to know someone.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of a new relationship and confuse that with love.
If you don’t see him as often, you can actually get a clearer picture of what he’s like as you’ll have time apart to reflect and process. In some ways, dating multiple people lets you take things slow.
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Plus, if you’re going on lots of dates you’ll be noticing the differences between the guys and getting a better idea of what you like and don’t like.
3. It allows more balance in your life
We often get caught up in the idea that we need to find the love of our life in order to be happy. It’s like he’s going to swoop in and change everything. While meeting the right guy is amazing, it’s important that we don’t neglect our own life until he shows up.
But if you’re less focused on meeting this magic man, you’ll be more independent and therefore more attractive when he finally does come around.
Dating casually lets you see that you really do have options and that you don’t have to make him your whole world right away.
There are many roles that men can play in our lives, and a knight in shining armor is just one of them.
4. See what’s out there
Plenty of women tell me that “there are just no good guys out there.”
Believe it or not, I find the people who say that the most often are those that date the least. It is any wonder that you can’t find good guys when you’re not willing to give anybody a chance?
Open yourself up to the idea of dating new and different men.
That’s the beauty of casual dating: you don’t go into it expecting for a happily ever after.
So even if you can tell ten minutes into the first date that this guy isn’t someone you’d want to marry, or even see again after tonight, you can still have a fun new experience and get to see a totally different point of view.
Stick it out and you may find that the guys you have the best connection with aren’t the ones you’ve spent your whole life chasing after. At the very least, you’ll have some wild stories.
5. Practice makes perfect
Think of it this way, the more dates you have the more you’ll be ready when they guy you really want arrives.
You don’t want to scare away the right guy by being nervous or inexperienced with dating. The more you date, the more comfortable and confident you’ll be on dates. You’re not your best self when you’re covered in sweat.
Is casual dating for everyone?
I don’t think I can say any of my advice is for 100% of people. Everyone is different. But this one is pretty darn close.
It gives you something that you’ll have a hard time getting anywhere else: perspective.
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And if you’re someone wouldn’t even consider casual dating, you may be person who needs this change the most.
So get on Tinder, go speed dating, or let your friends set you up. It seems crazy, but it works for my clients and it could work for you too.