You think you got it all in your relationship, but then it hits you. Your boyfriend isn’t the sweet loving person you thought he was, he’s a master manipulator. All this time you’ve been falling for his tricks, but your senses have peaked and you’re realizing that he’s been sneaking past your defences the whole time.
When you’re in an unhealthy relationship it can be hard to see the warning signs. To help avoid this situation, here are some sign sneaky signs to tell you if your man isn’t right for you.
Controlling You with Kindness
Not every controlling partner works on fear or violence, in fact the best manipulators know how to find your weaknesses and use them against you to get their own way. Whether it’s your low self-esteem, abandonment issues or some other kind of fragility, if you’re boyfriend is playing off these to build you up, then it’s time to say so long!
Blaming You for Your Feelings
You get upset when he ditches you so he accuses you of being “needy.” You get angry when he ignores you and he’s blames it on your “anger” issues or say you’re “too sensitive.”
If every negative emotion you experience is bounced back and blamed on you then you’re definitely in an unhealthy relationship. Loving partners let you feel your emotions and consider the role they play in creating them. They don’t point fingers to defend their unjust actions.
Trying To Change You
When you met you were the life of the party with a social life that could compete with an A-list celebrity. Now you’re outings consist of grocery runs or trips to the office. You used to enjoy dressing up, but all you wear these days are the clothes your partner likes. This is a tough one because you may not even realizing it happening. A skilled manipulator will make you think you changed yourself. Take a step back and ask yourself what’s really going on.
Disregarding Your Goals
So you wanted to backpack India before you turned 30, but he thought that was lame. You had plans to do your Master’s degree, but he says it’s a waste of time. When you have dreams and goals your partner should be encouraging them and watching you grow. If he only considers his own ambitions worthwhile then you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
Needing You… Too Much
You go out with the girls and he calls 30 times and asks you to come home. You say you’re going to the gym after work and he gets upset about not being your only priority. Sure, it’s nice to be needed, but if your man is always guilt tripping you into changing your plans then he’s not just “missing you,” he’s being outrageous.
Creating Double Standards
Your partner can go out drinking with friends, but if you do it’s the end of the world. He can get others women’s numbers or hangout with female friends, but when you do he accuses you of “cheating.” Double standards are a key sign of an unhealthy relationship. Remember, if he doesn’t want you doing something, then he shouldn’t be doing it either!
Guilting You Into Staying with Them
If the love your partner has for you is the only reason you’ve been sticking around then you need to consider if it’s worth it. Sometimes love will keep you in a place that’s not good for you, and the wrong person will know how to play at your heartstrings so that you don’t know how to live without them. Don’t get guilted into sticking around with a dud. You deserve the best.
If you’re worried your relationship is toxic, it’s always a good idea to seek outside help. Abusers can make it difficult for us to trust our own feelings. Always remember that you’re valid and deserve to be happy.