How To Stop Being So Needy

So you met this guy and he’s everything you’ve been looking for in a partner. Now, how do you make him like you without coming across as needy?

As you may or may not already know, the key to keeping a man’s eyes on you is to show him your calm, cool and confident self, which is why being needy will do you no favours if you’re looking to build a loving relationship with him.

The good news is that even if you’ve been a bit too clingy in the past, you can still turn things around to work in your favour.

To kick things off I want to quickly explain why neediness will get you less of what you want from a relationship. Simply put, it’s because making a man feel like he is the be-all and end-all to your world puts a lot of pressure on him… and I really do mean A LOT!

When that happens it’s common for men to pull away or become distant. Since they don’t feel comfortable carrying that burden around with them, they’ll start to remove themselves from the situation. Now for us ladies, this just makes matters worse. Since all you want is for him to do all the things you need and love, when he doesn’t respond how you’d like, you get upset or even frustrated. All in all, it’s a messy situation, however, if you can fight the temptation to be needy and instead be your best self, well that’s when he’ll happily go along for the ride.

Easier said than done. Especially since as soon as you start to develop feelings for a man things change. Unlike in situations where you aren’t that into him, when you are you start acting differently, almost as a means to get his attention. The problem here is that if he catches this, or interprets your behaviour as needy or desperate, then he’s going to lose interest in you.

How To Stop Being Needy

It can be tricky to unlearn a lifetime of needy behaviours. Here are five helpful tips to do just that!

1. Don’t Show Too Much Interest

While it’s one thing to want to get to know the guy you’re into, it’s another to go over the top with this one. If you’re begging to know everything from his favourite movie to his third grade crush, then yes, you’re going to send him running.

The truth is, coming on too strongly scares most men away. Considering most guys enter relationships for the sole purpose of having fun, when you come across as needy he’s going to put his guard up around you.

Now, you may be thinking, “I don’t ask him THAT many questions,” but the unfortunate news is that you may be coming across as clingy without even knowing it. For instance, if you have a habit of blowing up his phone anytime you don’t hear from him, or you make it obvious that you’re stalking his social media pages, then yes, he’s again going to get a bad taste in his mouth.

To avoid making him feel suffocated it’s important that you don’t show TOO MUCH interest in him. The best way to do so is to have your own life outside him. In other words, find things to keep you busy, whether it’s spending time with your girlfriends or picking up a new hobby. Keeping yourself preoccupied will do wonders for keeping him interested.

2. Don’t Be Too Agreeable

This is another sneaky one, and often times women don’t even realize that agreeing with their man can actually be worse than disagreeing with him. That’s because it’s one of those things that requires great balance.

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Sure, it’s fine to agree with his musical tastes or an opinion he has about a particular matter, but if your man gets the impression that you’re just nodding and agreeing with anything and everything he says then you’re going to come across as needy. This can be a major turn off for men.

Whether they’ll admit to it or not, men like to feel challenged by the women in their lives, and that’s why being too agreeable won’t do you any favours. Instead, be confident enough to have and voice your own opinions; those will keep his attention. Of course it can be easy to fall into the trap of being too agreeable, especially if you are trying to win him over, but just remember, he wants to get to know the real you, not the version that’s mimicking him.

3. Don’t Be Too Available

While you may be tempted to drop what you’re doing the second he comes calling, showing him that you have a full, fun life will get you farther than being ready to go the moment he wants to see you. To avoid seeming needy it’s important that you again, keep busy.

A good rule of thumb to follow is that you don’t agree to making plans with him on short notice. Meaning if he calls you in the afternoon to go for dinner that night, tell him that you’d love to but you already have other plans. Even if this isn’t the case, making it known that you aren’t waiting for him to coming calling will keep you on his mind, and make him want to see you more. When this happens suggest rescheduling for another night. Trust me, this will give him something to look forward to.

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It’s also important that you don’t change plans to accommodate him. This goes without saying, but don’t ditch your gal pals just because Mr. Dreamy wants to see you. He’ll still be there tomorrow.

4. Let Him Take the Lead

As hard as it may be to sit around waiting for him to contact you, that’s exactly what you need to do if you want to avoid seeming needy.

In fact, I’ve actually had a man once tell me that he would contact me in a few days to not seem “overly interested.” I laughed and appreciated his honesty, but in all seriousness, it worked because it kept him on my mind in the meantime.

Now that’s not to say you should tell your guy this, but rather just do it. After you see him, leave the ball in his court and let him be the one to contact you. Sure it’s okay to fire off a quick “Thank you” text after a nice night out, but asides from that, he’ll appreciate the chase and effort he has to put in to win you over. When you’re needy, he doesn’t have the chance to do so.

5. Don’t Get Ahead of Yourself

It can be tough not to get caught up in the moment when you’re feeling all fluttery and infatuated, but no matter what you do, it’s important not to get ahead of yourself. In other words, just because you think he’s the bee’s knees it doesn’t mean you should be planning your entire life together.

Women get invested more quickly in relationships than men do. So while you’re already imagining how nice it’s going to be to spend next New Years with him, he’s still thinking about the delicious chicken wings he devoured on your date.

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If you want to get him thinking more seriously about the relationship then it’s crucial that you show him your fun and outgoing self. Once he feels comfortable around you and realizes how much he enjoys your company, that’s when he’ll start thinking more about the bigger picture.

To make this happen it’s important that anytime you feel the urge to send a needy text or want to say something that shows your feelings, first ask yourself if doing so comes across as confident or needy. If it’s questionable, just don’t do it.

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How To Stop Being So Needy

About Amy North

Amy North is a women's relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada. Her high-acclaimed programs include "Text Chemistry" and "The Devotion System", both of which have helped thousands of women from around the world find (and keep) the man of their dreams.

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