Lessons to Learn from a Lover’s Lies

When you find out your lover is or has been lying to you, there aren’t many feelings that come close to compare. It’s the kind of hurt that shakes up your whole world, and has you questioning everything you once believed as true. Did he mean it when he said he loved you? Did you ever even really know him? The truth can come like a hard slap to the face, but as much as it hurts it’s a reality that most of us must face at some point or another.

As time passes and the pain lessens, it’s important to look back and consider some of the powerful lessons to be learnt from a lover’s lies. 

You can only deny the truth for so long.

So-longYou may have had your suspicions, or your gut warned you of what was happening, but when you’re in love it’s easier to ignore any negative possibilities and to happily embrace the moment. That said, you can only deny the truth for so long because sooner or later it will surface.

When it comes comes time to face the music you’ll recall all those moments of wariness and kick yourself for not listening to your instincts. The lesson here is to trust your judgements and listen to your hunches.

Ignorance is NOT bliss.

IgnoranceOften times people claim that they hide the truth to protect someone else from getting hurt. As thoughtful as this may sound, it can lead to bad consequences. Since the truth always comes out, lying only delays the inevitable.

You’ve heard the expression “Ignorance is bliss,” but is it really? Does lacking the truth really make you happy? No matter how much the truth hurts, a lesson you can take from a lover’s lies is that knowing is always better than not. It’s always better to tell someone the truth before they find out elsewhere. Once you’ve been hurt by lies you can truly understand how important honesty is.

Though lies may ruin a relationship, everyone has a unique situation. If feel like your past relationship is something you’d like to rekindle, then click here and watch the video on getting your ex back.

It’s normal to feel lost when you’re lied to.

Feel-lostWhen we think we are getting to know somebody, we are giving them parts of our hearts. But when they lie, we know they’ve actually held back their hearts while we’ve been giving them ours. This made me feel lonely, foolish and lost.

When you learn of your lover’s lies, it’s normal to question everything. From the details to your relationship to the warning signs you missed, you’ll go through every scenario and wonder which bits were true and which bits were not. You’ll be driven you to overthink everything. You’ll feel lost because life as you once knew it is no more, and you now have a new reality to face. The lesson here is that you’re not wrong or insane for feeling so low and confused; this is something most people experience.

The men who lie to you are in love with themselves.

Loves-selfIt’s one thing to tell a little white lie (“No, you don’t look fat in that dress,” “Dinner was great!”) but when it comes to relationships and lying, that’s a whole other ballpark. When a man lies to you, it’s usually for one of two reasons: He wants to keep you happy or he wants to get away with whatever he can. Still, though, why do they do it?

Men who lie do so because they are selfish and lack self esteem. They focus on short term goals instead of long term outcomes. Their relationships are fleeting because they’re always looking for someone new, or their next best option. It can be hard not to take it personally that he lied to you, but just remember that this has less to do with you not being enough, and more to do with him being a narcissist. The lesson to be learnt is that it’s not your fault. Sadly, you probably won’t be the last woman he lies to either.

Pain is only temporary; “This too shall pass.”

Shall-passYou may feel like you’ll never trust again, but this feeling will only stay with you for as long as you let it. Sure you may have some emotional scars from your ex lover’s lies, and there is no easy way to get over the experience, but don’t let someone who was so wrong for you dictate your future.

Learning to let go of the pain is important because until you do it will influence many aspects of your life. From how you handle future relationships to friendships and more, the only way to move on is by leaving your baggage behind. Not all of it though. As the old saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger,” so take the lessons you’ve learnt and carry them like a shield. The pain you’re feeling is only temporary, but the strength you find in moving on will stay with you, always.

About Amy North

Amy North is a women's relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada. Her high-acclaimed programs include "Text Chemistry" and "The Devotion System", both of which have helped thousands of women from around the world find (and keep) the man of their dreams.

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