It’s easy to get caught jumping from one date or partner to the next, but before you move on and find your Mr. Right, here are 10 things you should first do.
1. Date Yourself
When you’re dating someone, there are so many new and exciting experiences you share together. It’s part of what makes dating so wonderful. What most of us fail to realize is that it’s important to keep doing fun activities on your own, after you break up.
For some reason or another, society has made us believe that certain things are “for couples.” Whether it’s going on a road trip, renting a kayak or climbing a mountain to watch the sunset, don’t wait for a partner to come along to do these things with you.
Instead, be brave, bold and learn to date yourself. Take yourself out to eat, don’t share your popcorn at the movies, stroll around a museum and fall in love with yourself. Enjoying your own company is a great way to better know yourself.
2. Consider What You Bring to A Relationship
When two people get together, they both bring bits of their past with them, baggage if you will. While it can sometimes be tough to deal with each other’s romantic histories as a couple, it’s important to remember that your experiences are what made you both who you are today.
Take this time to think about what you bring to a relationship, and let go of the negativity that you no longer need to carry with you. Perhaps it means apologizing to an ex you wronged, or forgiving the guy who broke your heart.
Whatever it may be, take this time to mend your wounds so that when you are ready to love again, your closet is clean and your heart has more room for love.
3. Get Organized
How many times have you had a mini meltdown about how you “Don’t know where that dress is” or “Can’t find the comb.” When you’re living in chaos, it’s tough to feel in control of your life.
Getting yourself organized is one of the best things you can do at this stage of your life because it’ll give you the chance to go through and clear out anything you no longer wish to hold on to.
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From your clothes and photos, to your car, office desk and Facebook friends list, trim down and cut out anything (and anyone) you don’t need in your life. When you feel like you are in control of your life you will be more confident and more attractive.
4. Sort Through Your Emotions
Before you move onto your next great love, it’s important to take the time to process your emotions from not only your last relationship, but all the other relationships passed.
If you don’t take the time to fully understand your feelings then you’ll carry them onwards and into your next relationship (or be unable to even have a relationship).
You may have convinced yourself that you’re already over all the crappy relationships you’ve had in the past, but it’s important that you’re honest with yourself here. In order to open up your heart to someone else, you need to release any feelings of heartache or resentment you may have bottled up and hid in the back of your heart.
5. Make Your Own Routine
Relationships require flexibility and compromise from both partners, so prepare yourself for it while you’re single. By establishing a routine of your own, you can ensure that your future compromises don’t end up compromising who you are.
If you’re the kind of person who likes to work out in the mornings, stay that kind of person when the next guy comes along. Many of us get wrapped up in becoming different people when we date someone new.
To combat this, have a strong sense of who you are and what your priorities are. Doing so will help ensure that the next guy you end up with appreciates you for who you are, and not who you could become.
6. Figure Out What You’re Looking For
There’s no point in rushing into a new relationship until you know what it is that you’re looking for, so sit down and do some serious thinking. Are you looking for a casual fling or hookup, or are you looking to find “the one” and settle down?
Knowing what’s on your agenda will make you aware of the type of person and relationship you’re searching for, and will save you the time and energy you’d otherwise spend sorting through partners.
To get going, make a list of all the traits that are important to you in a partner. From there, ask yourself what goals or dreams you have and consider the timeline you have in mind. For example, if you want to go live in India for a year next spring then focusing on finding the right guy beforehand may be a bit pointless. On the other hand, if you feel your biological clock is ticking then maybe it’s time to get hunting for the one.
7. Become Who You Want to Be
Whether you sign up for some new classes or do the Eat Pray Love thing, take this solo time to become who you want to be. It sounds cliche, but think about how many times you’ve thought about trying something new but didn’t because it interfered with your relationship or other plans.
Because you’ve put yourself on the back burner for so long, you may have not had the opportunity to become the type of person you’d like to be. So, whether you’ve wanted to become an avid traveller or perfect potter, now is your chance to follow your dreams.
8. Take Note of Your Successfully Dating Friends
One of the best ways to learn is by example.
While flying solo, be sure to take note of what your successfully dating friends are doing to be happy in their long term love lives. Focus on how they communicate with their current lovers, and consider how it’s different from their past, short lived relationships.
A successful relationship requires couples to work as a team and support one another. Your friends can be great inspiration for you, and best of all, you can ask them for their dating tips!
9. Recognize Your Strengths and Weakness
We’ve all been in past relationships that we cringe about today. However, as much as you may not like digging up their dirt it’s important to look back to see where you went wrong and what you’ve done well.
Maybe you regret rushing your past relationship or asking your ex to move in so soon. Perhaps you had jealousy issues that ended up ruining an otherwise healthy relationship.
These can be tough truths to own up to, but identifying your weaknesses will only make you stronger. Don’t forget to also note your strengths in a relationship. Perhaps you’re a good listener or have a kind heart to offer. Shine with your strengths and carry these traits with you.
10. Love Life
With all the negativity that already exists in the world no one in your life needs to hear about the things you think suck. In this stage in your life, make a conscious effort to start focusing on the positive.
Choose to find things you love about the world, read the good news, watch the cute animal videos and for goodness sake be friendly. Only when you’re happy about the life you currently have can you successfully invite a partner into it.
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