How Can I Make My Ex Chase Me?

Do you think the only way to get your ex back is by begging and pleading? Do you feel like your ex has complete control of the situation, and that you’re left lingering in the shadows, waiting for them to change their mind? If so, then think again!

Believe it or not, the power doesn’t have to be in your ex’s hands because there is a way to dethrone your them and take control of the situation. To put yourself in this position, you’ll need to do three things: turn the tables on your ex, remove their safety net, and make them chase you. This sounds impossible, but most challenging things do until they’re done. So, without further adieu, here are the three steps you need to follow to make your ex chase you.

The Disappearing Act

To turn the tables and shift the power from your ex to yourself, you must show your ex that you no longer need them in your life. Don’t panic, this obviously isn’t true or you wouldn’t be trying to make them chase you, but they can’t know that. To show your ex that you don’t need them, cut off all communication with them for about a month. This includes, phone calls, text messages, late night meet ups, Facebook comments, Instagram likes, the works!

More commonly referred to as the “No Contact Period,” the Disappearing Act is designed to both not surprise your ex, and make them miss you. Since your ex believes that you miss them, they expect you to come crawling back. The reality of the situation is that you’re going to do the complete opposite. Cutting off communication with you ex will send them the message that you’re strong and don’t need them in your life.

As time passes it will become harder for your ex to fight their feelings of longing and nostalgia that have filled the void you created. One the other hand, your lack of communication will also wash away the negative memories your ex once held, and replace those with pleasant thoughts and recollections of your relationship. Without you in their life and a headful of pleasant recollections, it won’t be long until your ex begins questioning the breakup all together.

When the period of silence is over, don’t just send any old message to your ex.  This is not the time to be making mistakes or saying things that might ruin your chances.  Learn more about how to communicate with your ex to make them come crawling back to you by watching this excellent free video by breakup expert Brad Browning.

Goodbye, Safety Net

Depending on the circumstances of your breakup, there’s a chance your ex said they wanted to stay friends. At the time this gesture may have seemed good willed, but in reality, it was just a classy way of saying they wanted to keep you around as their backup plan. Harsh, I know, but you need to realize this in order to fully take control of the situation.

If you agreed to staying friends with your ex then you need to take back your intentions, stand your ground and refuse to be their support stick while they get over the breakup. If the idea of friendship comes to light again, let your ex know that they have to choose between being in a romantic relationship with you, or not having you around at all. You will not be their support net while they adjust to their newfound single life.   

During this step it’s likely that your ex will be missing you enough to call. If they do, don’t panic, in fact, this is a prime opportunity for you to show them that you’re calling the shots now. Even though you’ve cut off communication with your ex, be mature, answer the phone and be as calm, cool and collect as possible. Keep the conversation short and be the one to end it. Doing this will show your ex that you’re moving on and are unfazed by the thought of life without them. It’s around this point that they’ll realize how terrible of an idea it was to end your relationship.

Wait for the Chase

Let the chase begin! By now your ex understands that you’re fine without them and that you won’t settle to be “plan B.” It’s all or nothing, baby!

This is where the magic happens. The more time that passes, the more desperate your ex will become. As the fear of losing you completely grows, your ex will step up their attempts to spend time with you. When this happens, don’t jump the gun. Showing your ex that you’re eager to see them or that you’ve missed them will set you back in your plan big time! Remember, you’re still in control at this point so don’t give it up your power so easily.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t spend time with your ex at that this point in the game, in fact, doing so is an important next step towards winning them back. Just be sure to take things slowly and properly apply the above techniques.

Don’t forget, if your ex catches on to the song and dance you’ve been doing, they may feel undermined and pull the plug on your relationship all together. Be smart, be patient, and most importantly, be bold.

get your ex back

About Amy North

Amy North is a women's relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada. Her high-acclaimed programs include "Text Chemistry" and "The Devotion System", both of which have helped thousands of women from around the world find (and keep) the man of their dreams.

4 Comments

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  • It’s been two weeks since the break but still nothing from her. I haven’t contacted her since that huge argument we’ve had. This is the longest time we haven’t spoken to each other since we’ve been in a relationship. Can I contact her next week? What do I say and how?

    • Hi Martin, before I can properly respond to your comment, I need to know where you and your ex currently stand. Let me know and I’ll get back to you.

  • We were in a 5 months rls, broke up due to him not loving me as much as I did to him and lots of quarrels making him fall out of love. He’s a sweet guy, but is so unsure of his feelings and has lots of insecurities. He feels bad that he hurt me emotionally and mentally. He has history of breaking up with exes and he regretted none of them once he made the decision. He thinks “If I let her go, she’ll find someone that could treat her better.” and is very consistent with it.

    I actually did a 1 month of NC, he never contacted. After we came into contact again (I initiated), he seems distant and only reply when I initiate the conversation. Unfortunately, he sensed something, telling me “I like someone else, stop caring for me.” It led to another quarrel, we had to meet up and had the talk. During the talk, we talked about his new love interest and the reason why we can’t get back together. He doesn’t want to get back (though I asked him would he ever do it again if a chance were given and he said yes) because it’d make him look shameless in people’s eyes (he admitted that he has a huge ego, even if he was wrong he’d prove he was right). And this new love interest of him, he said he liked her since 3 years ago (when he was still in a rls with his other ex), but they were just friends throughout the time until after he broke up with me that he started to develop feelings for her. I told him he doesn’t know what love is, if the ‘like’ for her was strong enough for him to keep on insisting that he “really like” her now, he would have taken her into the picture before choosing me. Now he said he doesn’t want to be in a rls. He also showed subtle signs that he still cares for me (though they’re just minor and infrequent), even told me I’m beautiful when we were face to face. But when I confronted him, saying that he still likes me, he said “as friends. because you’re too nice for me.”

    We’re still in contact, I usually the one initiates and he replies, the conversation sometimes scatters for half a day, sometimes happens at night. I feel like I always the one has to put in more effort into the conversation, so today I decided to pull back by not texting him. Moreover, he closes his heart by not conveying his feelings or complaining about his daily activities like he used to.

    So how can you make this passive insecure guy to change his mind, to prove that I worth the effort and he should take the chance he deserves? Like any way to motivate him? Please help!

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