Relationships end for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes breakups are for the best, and other times… not so much. That said, if there’s one good thing to come out of any breakup it’s the opportunity to not only evaluate your relationship, but also to see how it can be improved. If you’re done some serious thinking and believe that the best thing you can do right now is to win your ex back, then stay tuned, because I have just the texts messages for you!
Chances are you’ve heard about The No Contact period by this point, but for those of you who haven’t I’ll just quickly explain. The No Contact period is 30 days during which you cut off all communication with your ex. That means no texting, no calling, no messaging him online, no showing up at his house, the works. It’s also important that you don’t silently stalk his Facebook or Instagram, and avoid keeping tabs on his every move.
Of course there will be situations where cutting off communication with your ex is impossible, for instance, if you work together or have children, but in those scenarios you’ll want to keep contact to an absolute minimum and avoid talking about anything other than the responsibilities you share.
During the No Contact period you’re going to want to focus on yourself. This means taking up new hobbies, spending times with friends and family, and really just doing what makes you happy. Doing so is important for a couple reasons. First, it’ll help distract you from wanting to contact your ex, which will do wonders for winning him back. Second, it will make him miss you.
The thing is, there’s a good chance that your ex expects you to go crawling back to him, begging for another chance to save your relationship. When you do the opposite, it’ll surprise him and make him wonder why you haven’t reached out and what you’ve been so busy doing. In other words, he’ll be missing you. This is where the second benefit comes in.
“Right now, your ex thinks that YOU’RE chasing THEM. Your ex believes that they have all the ‘power’ and that, if they wanted to, they could have you back whenever they wanted. What you need to do, therefore, is to take that power away from them so that they begin to start chasing you.”
– Brad Browning, Breakup Expert (click here to see Brad’s best ‘ex back’ text messages)
When your ex’s curiosity gets the best of him he’s going to check in on you. Maybe this means calling or texting (ignore both of these if he does), or perhaps he’ll check out your Facebook page or ask mutual friends about you. So, when you keep busy and surround yourself with those you love your ex will see that you’re not sitting around, heartbroken about the breakup. Instead he’ll realize what a fun, full life you have, and believe me, he’ll want to be a part of it.
Just remember that before you send any of the messages I’m about to share that you make sure at least a month of no contact has first passed.
Now, let’s talk texting.
To keep things as simple as possible I’ve come up with three types of text you can send your ex to make him want you back. To make it EVEN EASIER, I’ve decided to call these the triple “R” texts, which will be reminder, remember and reminisce.
Since it’s been some time since you and your ex were in contact, you’re going to want to warm him up to the idea of hearing from you again, and the best way to do so is by sending short thoughtful messages that don’t ask for a response.
For instance, if your ex is really into art and you know there’s a new exhibit coming to town then you could mention that, or if he’s really into a particular sports team or activity then you could use that as your kick starter.
So, to start pinpoint an interest of his, just be sure it’s one you have something relevant to remind him of. For example, let’s say he’s a huge Radiohead fan, you could text him something along the lines of:
“Hey, I saw Radiohead is going on tour this summer! I thought of you because I know how much you’ve been wanting to see them live. Hope all is well.”
Or if he’s more into the outdoors then consider a text like, “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that Parks Canada is giving away free Discovery Passes for the year to celebrate the country’s 150th birthday. I know how much you love camping, so I thought I’d let you know. Hope all is well.”
Again, these messages are thoughtful and don’t ask for anything in return. They’re simply reminders to let your ex know that even though you haven’t been reaching out to him, he still crosses your mind from time to time.
Of course it can be tough to get your ex to think about your positively, especially if your relationship ended on a sour note. That said, these Reminder text messages can be your best bet for making that switch and getting on his good side.
Unlike in the first message, this is the kind of message that is going to ask for a response, and the goal here is to do one thing: to remind your ex of an experience you shared together. While it sounds pretty straightforward, there is actually more to it than you may think and the key here is to be SUBTLE.
So, as much as you may think that texting your ex completely out of the blue to remind them of a great night you spent together could do you good… you don’t want to do that, at least now and not so bluntly. Again, you’re going to want to be subtle here.
To do so, start by thinking of a memory you and your ex experienced. Maybe it’s a road trip you went on together, or perhaps it’s a nice anniversary dinner you shared. Whatever you choose, just be sure to pick a memory that will stand out and stir up emotion in your ex.
Next, you’re going to want to reference that memory by asking a question about it. For example, if on your road trip you stumbled across a hidden beach, or while away one weekend visited a great diner, those are the things you’re going to ask him about.
In order for this to work though, your ex needs to genuinely believe that you don’t already have the answers you’re looking for. So, again, you’re going to want to ask about a very specific, one-of-a-kind experience. If you ask him for the name of the restaurant the two of you used to eat at weekly, then he probably expects you to already know what it’s called… or he may think that you’re not very bright if you don’t know it.
So, now that you have a memory in mind you’re going to want to text him a Remember text. An example could be something along the lines of:
“Hey Chris, remember that beach we discovered on our road trip to Tofino? What was it called? I’m hoping to go back this weekend but don’t know the name of it. Hope all is well.”
Or, “Hey, remember that little Italian restaurant we went to for our two year anniversary? What was the name of it? I’m hoping to go there tonight but can’t think of what it’s called! Hope all is well.”
As you’ll see in both of those examples you’re asking your ex to remember something special you shared together and creating the opportunity for him to text you back. Better yet, you’re also going to get him wondering who you’re going out with. Is it a friend? Could it be another guy? Who knows! Either way, you’ll be making him miss you and perhaps even a little bit jealous which can do wonders for winning him back.
So, to summarize here, a REMEMBER text is asking him to recall a memory you shared together and setting him up for a response. If he does reply to your message, answer with a simple “Thanks!”
Even though this kind of message doesn’t necessarily ask for a reply, you may want to hold off on sending it until you’ve already reached out to your ex at least a couple times. Since Reminisce text messages are extremely emotional and powerful, chances are sending one is going to cause a reaction, which again, is why it’s good to wait until you’ve already been in touch with your ex at least a couple times before sending one of these.
When it does come time to send a Reminisce text, the secret is to think of a sensual experience you shared in as much detail as possible. Maybe it’s a passionate make-out session you had in the rain, or perhaps it’s a night you spent in each other’s arms in front of the fire. There’s no right or wrong memory here, as long as it’s one that’s arousing or will get his mind racing.
When you send the text start it off with “I was just thinking about that time we….” and go from there. I’ll say it again, because I know how crucial it is to this kind of message being success, DO NOT LEAVE OUT ANY DETAILS… that is, unless they’re negative. For instance, if you spent an amazing weekend at a cottage together but got into an argument about directions on the way home, then yes, leave that out and keep the focus on the positive. When done correctly this kind of message will make your ex not only miss you, but he’ll also start to question if breaking up was such a good idea. At this time he’ll come crawling back to you.