Finding out your boyfriend lied to you can be devastating. On one hand you’re angry because he was dishonest, and on the other you’re upset and feeling let down.
The good news is there’s usually a reason behind why your man felt the need to lie to you, and knowing it can help prevent further dishonesty down the road. This is why the first thing you should do when your boyfriend lies is to find out why he felt the need to do so. Typically, there are three reasons.
1. To Make Himself Look Good
If he’s trying to impress you or feels like you’re out of his league then he may try to make himself seem greater than he really is.
This kind of lying usually happens early on in a relationship, or if one person is feeling insecure. As innocent as it may seem, making up stories to make himself sound good, or fabricating situations so you’ll think he’s someone he’s not, is not healthy in a romantic relationship. Again, his intentions may be good, but if he’s only this amazing guy in made up stories, then how great is he actually?
The problem with these sort of lies is that the truth usually shines through. When it does you’ll have to decide whether or not the lies he told were too deceptive, or if you can let it go.
2. He’s Afraid of Your Reaction
In this situation your guy is hiding something from you because he’s worried you’ll get upset or be disappointed if he tells the truth. Usually these lies are intended to be harmless, and are told to prevent a fight. For example, lying about why he’s late, saying he loves the burnt dinner you cooked, cutting the number of beers he had in half, or saying you’re the only woman he finds attractive. Sometimes it’s easy to get past these lies, other times it can be tough to let them go – especially if these are ongoing and get you doubting other things he’s telling you.
If you want your man to be completely honest with you, then it’s important that you take a long, hard look at the way you behave and react when he does tell you things you may not be happy hearing. For instance, do you yell or scream when he shares news you don’t like? Are you quick to get defensive or do you blow up on him?
If you want complete transparency from your man then you’ll need to prove you can handle the truth, and that he won’t have to deal with the consequences of sharing it with you. Remember, men despise drama and will do whatever necessary to avoid it.
3. He’s Selfish and Malicious
In most scenarios, these are the lies told when a partner is cheating or being manipulative. Meaning if he’s lying to intentionally go behind your back and do things you wouldn’t approve of then these lies are detrimental to your relationship.
When men tell this type of lie it’s usually in regards to where they were, who they were with, and what they were doing. Not to be confused with the first two types of lies, the truths behind these are usually means for a break up.
Once You’ve Learned His Reason for Lying
Next you’ll have to decide if the lie is something you can work through together, or if it’s too heavy to get past. If you decide you can get over it then you must stress how important honesty is to you, and let your man know that lying makes it tough to trust him.
This sounds obvious, but reinforcing the importance of honesty and trust is extremely helpful for preventing future lies. You can let him know that you’re hurt by his deception, but do so in a classy way. A calm, clear explanation from you is going to resonate with him much better than name calling, crying or making unfair accusations, and will make it much more likely for him to be honest in the future.
In the hours, days, weeks and months that follow a lie, it’s important to give your guy the benefit of the doubt. Yes, you caught him lying to you, but holding that guilt above his head or questioning his every move isn’t going to do you any favours. Don’t assume that because you caught him lying to you, he’s always lying to you. Instead give him the chance to prove he’s trustworthy, even if that means starting small or setting some guidelines for the two of you. If you don’t, you man is going to feel like he’s walking on eggshells and before you know it, your relationship will fall apart.
Simply believing in your man and letting him know that you’re in his corner and rooting for your relationship will take you far. Pick your battles, and react accordingly.