What to Do When You Feel Like You’re Not Enough for Him

The sinking feeling that overwhelms you when you feel like you’re not enough for a man can be sickening. No matter the reason for feeling this way, there are things you can do to overcome it.

Recognize Your Mistake

Making a man you have feelings for your hero, or putting him on a pedestal is never a good idea. Why? Because heroes are those we look up to, and you should be on level playing ground with any man or potential love interest.

However, that’s not to say there aren’t situations where you may find yourself feeling inadequate. Maybe this feeling is a one-off thing, or maybe it’s a regular occurrence. Whatever the case, if you do find yourself feeling like you’re not enough then the first and most important step is to determine why you feel this way.

Why Do You Feel This Way?

There’s a good chance you won’t be able to pinpoint the reason for this, at least not right away. If you’re struggling for an answer, make a list of anything in your life that may be feeding into your harsh thoughts.

For instance, did something in your life change recently, say a particular situation or the dynamic in your relationship? Are you unhappy in your career, or with your physical appearance? Do you feel less talented, less intelligent or less attractive than those you surround yourself with? Do you have unrealistic or high expectations for yourself?

All of these scenarios are products of your own thoughts and insecurities, and in the grand scheme of things you’re the only person in control of your feelings. Learn to debunk your negative thoughts because if you let them get the best of you then you’re missing out on what could potentially be an amazing connection.

Feeling not good enough isn’t always caused by something you’ve personally thought though, it can also be caused by an action of someone else. What’s important to remember is that you’re doing yourself no good by letting others bring you down.

Your Attachment Style

An attachment style is the way we relate to other people. It’s something everyone develops at a young age and carries with them through life.

People who often feel they’re not good enough for others, who are self-critical and insecure, or who believe they’re unworthy of love, usually have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style.

A person with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style feels that to get close to someone they need to be with that person all of the time, and need reassurance that they’re good enough. Rather than feeling real love or trust they act out of insecurities, become clingy, and get jealous.

If this sounds like you, don’t panic. With some self-compassion and awareness you can successfully build loving, healthy relationships with yourself and others.

Pay Attention to Your Feelings

Make a point to narrow down your emotions. Meaning instead of being “sad,” decide the type of sad you are – for instance, is it hurt, anger, guilt, or disappointment you’re feeling? Do the same with your positive feelings too. You’re not just happy, you can be grateful, excited, energetic, and so on.

Being able to pinpoint your emotions will help with overcoming and understanding the reasons you feel the way you do.

Avoid Negative People

Don’t waste your time with people who bring you down. The reason they do so is because they’re secretly insecure, and taking you down a notch makes them feel better. Or, giving those people the benefit of the doubt, maybe they don’t realize how negatively their actions or words are impacting you.

Either way, only you have the power to make yourself feel what you do. Outside factors can play a part, but at the end of the day you’re responsible for your own happiness. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

Don’t Compare

Most people like talking about or sharing the highs in their life – be it updates from a trip, news about a promotion, or photos where they look their best. Just because you see these things it doesn’t mean you’re seeing the whole picture or that you should be comparing yourself or life to theirs.

In fact, chances are you’re just seeing the version of their life they like best. It doesn’t mean they have the perfect life and are happy 24/7, it means they’re choosing not to openly share what makes them unhappy. Keep this in mind when you feel like you’re not as good as or achieved as others.

Best of all, you can do the same thing! By focusing on the good aspects of your life you’ll not only feel amazing, but it’ll also encourage you to scout out more of what makes you happy.

Brush It Off

When you feel like it’s the end of the world, ask yourself this: Is what’s bothering me now worth worrying or feeling down over? Are my thoughts and feelings justified?

When you’re caught up in the moment the answer will be yes, but be honest with yourself and see the bigger picture. Will this still be a concern tomorrow, or even next week? If there’s a particular situation that upsets you, then try your best to get to the root of why it does and find a way to overcome it. If it’s a figment of your imagination, let it go.

Life is full of obstacles and you will have good days and bad days. When the bad ones come knocking keep a positive mindset and handle whatever problems arise with poise.

Live In the Moment

If you’re caught up thinking about the past or worrying about what could happen in the future then you’re going to miss out on the present. The present is the only time you have immediate control over, so don’t waste that opportunity.

It’s so easy to focus your energy on something that’s already happened, but when you stress or sulk about something that can’t be changed you’re not doing yourself any favours.

To keep a positive outlook learn to appreciate the little things you have in your life, and move forward with that same grateful, positive attitude.

Love Yourself

When working on you, set realistic expectations and standards. For example, if you feel you’d be more confident if you gave your body some extra love and care, then do so. Set some goals and make it happen. If you slip up every now and then, don’t fret. No one is perfect, it’s all part of being human.

At the heart of making inner personal changes is self-compassion. Instead of belittling yourself, treat yourself as you would a loved one who came to you in need. Give yourself the same love and supportive-talk you’d give to others and you’ll notice a change in your attitude.

About Amy North

Amy North is a women's relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada. Her high-acclaimed program "The Devotion System" has helped thousands of women from around the world find (and keep) the man of their dreams.

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